Today I came to the realization that I cannot keep living the same. My mentality must change. My perception of myself and the world around is skewed. So what distorted it? I have a few ideas...my past of growing up in a split home for one. Although my loving father tried to do his best there are still issues that I wrestle with on the inside that God must continue to work out in me; issues of esteem. I cannot believe I'm writing this...it seems so ethereal so official so final in placing my thoughts in this manner. Nevertheless I must get in out since I have been in disobedience by not writing for so long.
I have been trying to figure out how this person called me came to be. How much was it nature? How much was it nurture? Then there is opposition, physical and spiritual and everything just collides. Everything just collides, overlaps, all vying for attention all wanting to consume other and everyday I wake up to someone I'm not sure that I know. I mean I obviously know me, but knowing exactly in what state I'm in sometime just seems to indescribeable and for those that know me, I know how to use words lol.
My self-discovery is a scary, difficult journey and an on-going one. I'm just blown away since I have many dates to look forward to with My Creator for many times to come. Scratch that...I have a few months to start a solid foundaton with Jesus and spend the rest of my life growing all with Him! Alright Jesus help me to discover me!
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